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some deep thoughts

The New Yorker: Shouts and Murmurs: WHAT I’D SAY TO THE MARTIANS
by Jack Handey
People of Mars, you say we are brutes and savages. But let me tell you one thing: if I could get loose from this cage you have me in, I would tear you guys a new Martian asshole.You say we are violent and barbaric, but has any one of you come up to my cage and extended his hand? Because, if he did, I would jerk it off and eat it right in front of him. “Mmm, that’s good Martian,” I would say.
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(D’oh! I forgot — THANKS, TimK)

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